Friday, September 30, 2011

Banned Books Week, Gianna's Take

If you are anything like me (I hope not), you turn to banned book lists to carve out your own personal reading in hopes of finding something truly filthy (never really happens) or a book you can agree is worth banning (Bridges of Madison County for example). Recently I found a list of books banned from prisons…it's an excellent list that includes Pulitzer and National Book Award winners, Nobel winners, and even Shakespeare. [Does anyone else think that Gianna's overly fixated on the prisons?]

Here is a list of my favorite books banned from prisons across this great country.

1. If you are in prison, you aren’t going to get a pop-up book. You just aren’t. You aren’t going to get Pirates of the Caribbean The Black Pearl, The Human Body, Graceland an Interactive Pop Up Tour, The Pop Up Book of Sex, Pixie Hollow Pop Up or my favorite…The Pop Up Book of Celebrity Meltdowns (it's very possible that my soul mate is in prison requesting this book!). If you love pop-up books…stay on the straight and narrow, my friends.

2. Easy Origami Fold a Day Calendar. I don’t know if this was requested by a female or not, but if it’s a dude; this being banned may have saved you from an ass beating. Blessing in disguise.

3. Law in America was banned because it had an uninspectable (prison word) front cover. I suspect the real reason is that no one likes a know-it-all on the outside, let alone in prison. Annoying.

4. Einstein: The Life of a Genius. This book apparently has glued documents throughout. I don’t know if the fear is getting high off glue (is it bad that was my first thought?) or if a naughty prisoner could hide things behind glued documents? [Physics is scary.]

5. Road Atlas. Yeah…Road Atlas. This was banned because it has a detailed map of Texas. Two thoughts because I live in Texas: was this banned from a Texas prison, or do all prisons ban this due to the map of Texas? Why must all criminals head this way? Is it Mexico? Because if so…they are on to you…head north when you escape. [Canada's prettier anyway.]

6. Sharing Lovers: Twice as Nice. No comment needed. [...I don't get it.]

7. Two Way Radios for Dummies and Ham Radios were both banned due to sexual content. Note to self… set up ham radio! [Gianna already has her handle--Undergarment Varmint rides again!]

8. Family Medical Guide. I assume that this was banned due to gross pictures you can’t help but look at over and over again.

9. Selma: The March that Changed the South. Banned due to racial content. When will somebody finally write a book about the struggle for racial equality and not get bogged down in racial content?

10. You love the arts? Too bad you dirty birdy. Art of Film, Art of Painting, Art of Photography, and How to Draw the Human Figure are all banned due to sexiness. Calm down. Penthouse Censored and Letters to Penthouse: Let’s Get this Party Started are no longer on the ban list! Yay!

Well that’s it, my top 10 favorite banned books in prisons …oh what is that? You’re a white supremacist and you gots to get your read on? No worries; white supremacist books are easy to come by, as is Mein Kampf.  [At least people are reading.  That's what's important, right?]

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