This morning I set off to create a handmade gift for my pal.
Step One: Materials. It turns out that making your own magnetic poetry is really easy. All you need are magnet sheets (obtainable at a craft store), a book, and scissors.
|The perfect book|
for this project
|Page from the book with the margins trimmed|
Step Three: Remove the backing from the magnet sheets and stick the selected pages to the magnets.
|Magnet sheets. See how easy this is?|
Step Four: Cut out phrases, verbs, nouns, articles, adjectives, adverbs, etc.
|Lots of juicy phrases to select...|
|Innocent phrases can be selectively edited to sound|
filthy: "He's just given me a..."
Step Five: Presentation. I stole a sandwich baggy from the friend who, due to pregnancy related bed rest, was a captive assistant in this project.
|Fifty Shades of Fridge Poetry|
|Stick the tacky gift with the classy one.|
The recipient will be more forgiving.
Step Seven: Delivery. I texted Gianna and asked if I could come over to exchange gifts. She replied that I never had to ask to bring presents.
|"This is something that someone in a mental hospital would do."|
How did Gianna respond? Gianna knows quality when she sees it. Here's the word-for-word conversation as she unwrapped her gift:
Gianna: What is this?....
Gianna: Wait...Is this from Fifty Shades of Grey?
Liz: (Snickering) Yeah.
Gianna: (pause as she sorts through some of the words)..."Dark"...."foamy lather"....
Gianna's girlfriend Natasha: Those are going up on the fridge tonight.
Gianna: Uh, you know this is something that someone in a mental hospital would do, right?
Liz: I am aware of that.
Gianna: This is the coolest thing ever.
As Gianna continued to sort through the pile of words ("agonizing orgasm," "he thrusts," "husky"), I opened the envelope she had handed me. My gift from Gianna? A gift certificate for Kiva, the micro loan foundation that is working to eradicate poverty around the world. While I am sensitively loaning a woman in Burma the money to buy a goat, Gianna will be snickering over titillating fridge art. We're always classy.