A Day in the Life of a Sales Rep

Generally there's a perception that publishing sales reps sit around reading books all day and then occasionally visit a store and possibly hang out with an author (or else people think we're frantically hunting for a different career, but self-preservation isn't a common trait in the book business).  I (Liz) decided that I'd keep a record of my day today, a fairly typical day in many respects.  I think it's worth noting now that after I finish typing this blog piece, I'm returning to work. I have a meeting and flight tomorrow and I'm not yet prepared for either.  Here we go.

6:29 AM--Get up and check email. Look at the orders that came in yesterday.
6:35 AM--Tub time!  I love my bath. A long soak is necessary to A) keep up with my reading, and B) avoid killing anyone during the day.
7:45 AM--Ponder schedule and debate wardrobe.  End up in jeans and a t-shirt.  Again. I class it up a bit in case Gianna calls; she usually asks if I'm wearing a bra.  I don't like to lie.

Zorro likes to sleep in.

8:00 AM--Stare at Shelf Awareness, the daily industry e-newsletter.  Amazon is opening a new warehouse in South Carolina.  Same state that voted for Newt.  And seceded.  Something to contemplate.
8:05 AM--Check Twitter and Facebook. Retweet some stuff. Try to think of something witty and original.  It's not happening.
8:10 AM--Check the blog stats.  Wonder why people choose our blog to cure their insomnia. Decide they are probably all British. Hellooooo Brits!
8:12 AM--There are 305 messages in my inbox. Decide that's acceptable.  Read a few. Delete and file others.
8: 34 AM--Look at calendar again. One appointment in the afternoon. Must prepare for appointment and flight tomorrow. Must prepare for week-long trip next week. Contemplate returning to the tub for another soak.
8:37 AM--iTunes shuffle plays "You'll Never Walk Alone." I realize that my life is sad. Zorro, by the way, is still in bed.
8:38 AM--Begin working on creating suggested orders in Edelweiss, the electronic catalog system Random House is adopting.
9:28 AM--Realize I haven't eaten breakfast.  Lizzie needs her Diet Coke.
9:49 AM--Place the order I took at my appointment yesterday afternoon.
10:15 AM--Answer more emails.
10:30 AM--Book a presentation at a high school parents meeting in May.
10:55 AM--My progress on my Edelweiss orders is derailed by an account needing tracking on orders.
11:28 AM--Phone call from the boss.  Zorro is still in bed.
11:30 AM--Place another order.
11:49 AM--More email, and finally returning to my Edelweiss catalogs.

I'm just like the real Dr. Laura,
but without the racial slurs and
misogyny!

11:53 AM--Going cross-eyed, I ask my Talking Dr. Laura doll for advice. Talking Dr. Laura says "A good man will swim through shark-infested waters to bring you a lemonade." Why the hell would I want lemonade? If I were in shark-infested waters, I think I'd want, obviously, a bigger boat.
12:41 PM--Zorro emerges, eats, poops, waddles to his chair, goes to sleep.
1:14 PM--Lunch. Today it's peanut butter (no jelly) on toast, barbecue potato chips, Diet Coke. Zorro thinks that he wants peanut butter, claws me, then decides it's not chicken and goes back to sleep.
1:58 PM--Inbox is up to 349 items.  I'm losing the battle.
2:03 PM--"Creep" is on iTunes.  I'm so fucking special.
2:09 PM--And now "The Rainbow Connection" is playing on iTunes.  It's also time to prepare for my meeting at 2:30.
3:56 PM--Finished with phone appointment. I haven't even started preparing for my trip tomorrow. Zorro has requisitioned my lap.
4:52 PM--Finish my fourth suggested order of the day on Edelweiss.  379 messages in my inbox.
5:47 PM--Computer system I need isn't working.  I'm improvising...by inventing new profanities.  Email count: 397.

Zorro...since 1:14 PM

5:56 PM--Gianna sends me an idea for the blog.  We think it'll be funny.  It starts on Thursday.
6:31 PM--Dinner. Talking Dr. Laura says, "Be the kind of person YOU'D like to come home to everyday." Maybe this is why I'm single.
6:49 PM--Oooh! Law & Order: SVU marathon.  Back to work.
7:21 PM--Right. I was going to update the blog before the State of the Union. Talking Dr. Laura and I will be remarking upon the speech.  She says, "What magic do you think is going to transform your life without your participation?" I take this to mean that I should start playing the lottery again.
7:43 PM--Posting blog.  Back to work. The inventor of Excel should be shot.

Babes in Fur Clothing

On the road again! Gianna and I headed off like Thelma and Louise today, driving from Austin to Amarillo in order to sell books to our pals at Hastings. What is there to see as one drives across this part of Texas? Roadkill, mostly. Towns with mockable names (Bangs, for example). Plenty of places to dump a body. Good times.

We drove Gianna's car on this trip because her newer model vehicle has the Sirius Radio, and there are huge, gaping holes in tolerable radio in places like Goldthwaite, Zephyr, and Lomena. We don't have cell signals either for much of this drive, ruling out staying in touch with accounts through our phones or Blackberries. Gianna and I share a fondness for absurdity, and "schadenfreude" is my favorite word. Satellite radio is a dream come true for those of us who love the human train wrecks that are the publicly dysfunctional individuals who call in to talk shows. Pure delight.

Before we stopped at this fancy little bistro known as The Olive Garden for lunch in Abilene, we were reveling in the awe-inspiring skills presented on a call-in show known as Animal Intuition. Check it out--a pet psychic. This woman named Sonya Fitzpatrick, who sounds like Mrs. Doubtfire with an ever-so-quaint English accent, takes calls from pet owners and "communicates" with the kitties and pooches. Apparently she has a show on Animal Planet too. According to her website biography, this woman talked to the animals at her house growing up in Merry Old England, but "turned off" her ability to chat up the critters when her father slaughtered three of her friends (geese) for a family feast. Heh. And I don't follow psychics, but is it normal (using "normal" exceedingly loosely, given the context) for a psychic to switch on and off her powers? Seems weird to me. Anyway, goose-free young Sonya became a fashion model, the career of choice for all shut-down pet paranormals I'm sure, but when she moved to these United States and ended her modeling career, she took up her pooch patter once more. Really, her story is the American Dream. She throws in lots of cute British expressions and refers to callers as "Dahhhhhhling." She described a caller's five dogs "babes in fur clothing." It was magic. Every pet loves his or her current owner, about half of them have changed their food at some point, and dogs can't tell us how old they are because they've never attended school and therefore can't count. (I would argue that most of the people from my hometown did attend school and can't count either.) My favorite caller told Psychic Sonya that her dog was nervous going on walks and asked why, and Psychic Sonya said--are you ready for this?--the dog was scared of something. Most excellent.

What could top a couple of hours of mindless pet drivel? How about multiple hours of the Dr. Laura Schlesinger Show?! Oy vey. She yelled at the callers, and I mean every single one, and not one single caller was correct. Her show is brilliant in a warped Woody Allen sort of way. Only people looking for abuse would want to talk to her seriously (as opposed to Gianna's and my desire to call her ironically), so it's alright for Dr. Laura to belittle her callers because they are screwed up. Dr. Laura yelled at a woman whose mother was dying, she yelled at the woman who didn't want to divorce the husband who spent too much time with his friend, and she yelled at another woman who complained about her husband spending too much time with his friends since she didn't want to support her man. It's horrible and sad, but we listened to the nonsense for hours.

I would love to listen to a blend of the crazy pet psychic woman and the crazy pseudo-shrink verbal abuse of Dr. Laura. Can you imagine a woman calling in to figure out what her cat is thinking, only to have "the cat" scream at her for not standing by her man and not buying the right kind of kibble? I would listen to that...but only if I'm on a road trip where Lubbock is a high point. And I can just imagine what my cat would have to say to me through Dr. Laura as the medium.

Bless the Sirius Satellite Radio. I can't wait to hear the offerings during our drive home.