Monday, March 19, 2012

Setting the Rules for Women's History Month

[We all know going in that I--Liz--had nothing to do with the following post, right? This thing is 100% Gianna. That said, we ARE going to be focusing on the ladies for the next couple of weeks.]

Okay, folks, it's time to get your “A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle” bumper sticker out: we are talking women’s history for the remainder of March. Relax, you know Liz and me….we’ll never bring up feminists, feminism, equality, or boobs again. Wait, what?

The authors of The Rules
To kick off our two weeks of feminist musings, I would like everyone to pour their energy into finding Liz a husband. I’ve got a bit of a jump-start by reading the incredible book, The Rules, by two powerhouse ladies who are well known in feminist circles, Dr. Ellen Fein and Dr. Sherrie Schneider. I say "doctor" because these two have a PhD in finding love! They really know how to help women trick men, and in my opinion once you trick your future spouse, there is nothing you can’t do. Girl Power!

Here are some “Rules” that I have Liz starting immediately:

1. “Be a Creature unlike any other.” Am I right folks or does Liz have this “rule’ sewn up already? Great job Liz! [Sigh.  Thanks?]

My golden Hunter....
2. “Show up to parties, dances, and social events even if you don’t feel like it.” Well, if I know my Lizzy like I think I do, not only does she love to dance, but try keeping her out of a party! Seriously you should try. I am calling this “rule” done!  [I've worn pajamas all day and haven't brushed my hair since Saturday.]

3. “It’s a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out.” Wow, incredibly deep, and incredibly true. Hunter Pence hasn’t called yet, Liz, has he? Stop telling people you two are engaged. [You can't make me!]

Tall socks are hot.

4. “In an office romance, do not email him back every time he emails you unless it is business related.” I love this advice. Men love games. They love it. They like to be confused and irritated. Liz, stop emailing every man you work with and you’ll be married by the end of the year. I am picking out my maid of honor dress now! [...Flipping through the Random House/Bertelsmann Code of Conduct now....]

5. “When considering whether to use personal ads or other dating services, you should place the ad and let men respond to you.” I think this is an important “rule” for any woman who really wants to let a man know she is submissive and lacks the confidence to approach a man. Liz and I were just discussing how she wants a man that she can truly not be herself with. Isn’t that the dream ladies…to fake it from the start? [I fake friendships too.]

Please forward any ideas, helpful hints, and phone numbers of men Liz can ignore, to us. Lets finally make Women’s History Month mean something!

…..aannnd scene! 

I hate The Rules. Worst. Book. Ever.
He may be a Phillie now, but he'll always be mine.

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