Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Valentine's Day, Gianna Style

I have often thought I should have been a relationship therapist…a love doctor.  You have a love condition? Honey, I’ve got the medicine.

At the University of Texas Press, we have many excellent choices for Valentine’s Day. Let me list a few, giving you an opportunity to really suss out which of our books speaks from your heart directly to your true love.

Naked Truth is a really fantastic choice of your love is a stripper. It is also an excellent choice if you’re a stripper, or you enjoy strippers and view them as artists. I guess what I am saying is, “Who can’t you give this book to?”

Go Down, Old Hannah is a really sweet and certainly safe choice if your relationship is just beginning to bloom romantically. It says, “I want you, but not all the way.”

Sex Work in the City just puts a smile on my face. Certainly a more realistic version of HBO not at all lauded Sex in the City, this little ditty is set in the other city that never sleeps, Tijuana!

Intimate Commerce might seem like a daring choice for such a pure holiday, but I don’t think I am too far off base when I say that there really is nothing better than a monetary exchange when dealing with matters of the heart.

The Concubine, the Princess, and the Teacher. Well, you won’t find a more perfect book for the triad relationship whose members also enjoy a little role-playing. Obviously this book is also good if you’re married to a teacher.

The Art of Friction. Yes, that’s right, it’s an art, and it’s about time that someone has written a well researched book about it.

Witches, Whores, and Sorcerers is a no brainer for the Harry Potter fan that you are currently sleeping with. Also the perfect last minute gift if you’re the type to sleep with a whore on Valentine’s Day.
Manhood in Hollywood from Bush to Bush is a classic Valentine choice year in and year out for the film buff that you’re porking.

Psycho Sexual might be the perfect book choice for the man or woman you are trying to get rid of, or a Valentine that you actually broke up with over a year ago but who you occasionally still find hiding behind shrubbery in your backyard taking pictures of you through your kitchen window while you make dinner for your new lover. This is one of our bestselling titles this time of year.

And one more for you totally vanilla, completely lame book lovers out there. Our bestselling Valentine’s Day book of all time…

One Hundred Love Sonnets by Pablo Neruda. It's pink and bilingual, bitches!

Just as one final note, I hope its clear that I don't have a clue as to what any of the above books are actually  about (with the exception of Neruda). You know, pretty much same deal as every single blog I post. Its my motto, know as little as possible. 

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